Saturday, June 02, 2007

Reposting this from MySpace

I'm going to appologize now for this but since MySpace is set to private and you have to do you're own MySpace to see it I'm going to bring it here. And boy do I have it to bring here. I think I've entered the grieving process now and I have to say it TOTALLY sucks. Bad language, bad attitude, big bad rant and whine. I'm sorry pals, I just need friends so badly right now. If you don't want to read about this anymore leave now. ((hugs))

Boy did I have the worst night at work tonight. My whole life just came along and dumped on me at once. It was so busy, I was feeling so low in the confidence department, we had to move all kinds of stuff so they could wax the floors, and I broke down and started to cry. Hell, I'm crying right now.

My life is not what it was suposed to be, this kind of thing was never suposed to happen, and I have to live with the consequences of something I didn't do. Life is not fair but it seems I've had more than my share of shit. I really wonder what kind of kharma I'm paying for in a previous life because there is just no way that this could be all from this one.

I hurt so bad right now. I feel so damn lonely. I feel these things so strongly right now that I want to go cut myself to let the hurt out. I feel so damn ugly and undesirable and that I won't ever find a guy who would want me. I sound like a damn Sex in the City episode, but it's true, all the good guys my age are married and the other good guys are too young and wouldn't want a fat old lady like me.

Oh god I hurt so bad and I'm so angry. I want to go beat the shit out of him. Just take a bat and smash his head in and watch the life ooze right on out. Fuck you for fucking my god damn life up! Fuck you you cheating bastard. Just fuck you. I'm think will now try and distract myself by ripping my new Slipknot CD and putting some of the songs on my MP3 player. I'll be alright tomorrow morning, I just need to cleanse my soul (i.e. cry).



At 1:36 AM, Blogger Scattered Gemini said...


You have every right to feel angry like you do. You went into your marriage agreeing to love, honor, cherish, be faithful, etc. and your husband disregarded those promises at some point.

I know that you have friends in real life and here online. We are all here for you if you allow us to be. Stay in touch and don't worry that you may sound like you're're certainly allowed to voice how you're feeling about life and everything.

No matter how you may be feeling lately, you eventually need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. You are a beautiful gal. Any guy would be lucky to have your attentions.

If you're worried about bad kharma, remember to Harm None. Not yourself nor anyone you are angry with. Kharma will eventually take care of anyone who has harmed you.

I will send healing energy your way and i'll pray for your grieving to be swift and peace to overcome you. This will pass in time. Hang on.

{{{{Many Hugs}}}}

At 7:41 PM, Blogger Larjmarj said...

I would just like to echo Suz' comments. I know how it is to have some rat bastard completely pull the rug out of your life. Mine didn't cheat but he thought that the best way for him to deal with his daily frustrations was to take it out on me verbally and physically. I lost everything except my dogs. Good times don't last and bad times don't either. You'll get through this, scarred perhaps but stronger.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger Mary-Beth said...

Hugs to you my dear friend.


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